Champions League Quarterfinal, First Leg.  Old Trafford, Manchester.

Manchester United 2-2 Porto

Surely it can’t end like this.  Great football teams can have short half-lives, and the pessimistic quarter of the red side of Manchester will be forgiven for thinking that this one is showing serious signs of coming apart at the seams.  Whereas last year’s team was hard, this iteration looks increasingly brittle.  Whereas last year’s team involved a fresh infusion of youth, this one is more and more reliant on a fading old guard.  Whereas last year’s United managed games with a strong sense of internal cohesion, this year’s team harks back to an older United, one that turned domestic domination into European disappointment by trying season after season to out-swashbuckle continental sides who were more than capable of maintaining their own composure.  More than anything else, the Red Devils are beginning to resemble their predecessors from 2001.  In that year, added to the sheer quality of the treble-wining side were both the vastly expensive Juan Sebastian Veron and the lethal Ruud Van Nistleroy, meant to be European specialists.  Famously, even this nearly galactico-laden United failed to replicate their recent Champions League success.  This year’s United are beginning to look all to similar.   Although Dimitar Berbatov will likely never equal the accomplishments of either Veron or Van Nistleroy, he was certainly almost as expensive, and his presence has resulted in a similarly unsettling re-shuffle of a squad that might not have needed it.  What exactly the terrible trio of Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Carlos Tevez did wrong last campaign is unclear;  less so is the blatant incompatibility of the languid, lazy Berbatov in a team that used to defend from the front so successfully.  Not since Paul Scholes was shunted into an ill-fitting second striker role at the peak of his career have United made a strategic shift that has proven so costly.

Berbatov, to be fair, wasn’t even fit tonight for his usual jog-around and toe-poke routine.  Up front, United looked plenty dangerous, especially given the starvation diet provided the forwards by an insipid midfield performance.  While Michael Carrick had a shockingly bad match, the blame really lies tragically at the feet of two United legends:  Paul Scholes and Gary Neville.  Scholes, for all his ginger tenacity, looks increasingly past it and surely cannot be relied upon for much longer.  He is at best a 50/50 proposition at this point, and central midfielders are not allowed to be so unreliable.  Neville, even at his finest, was never a dominating player.  Of slight build and limited pace, he made a career by his ability to read the game and through his powerful determination.  At 34, his physical limitations have caught up with him.  For all its beauty, football is relentlessly cruel, and it must be time for Neville to go. The hardened, angry lines of his face tell the whole story: it is not that he has no idea what he is doing;  he knows exactly what to do, and yet can no longer do it.

Indeed, the United back line hasn’t been this poor for years. Giving up ten goals in four games is beyond reproach. It is astounding that a team which defended their way through the Champions League last term has been reduced by injury and temperament to a set of bumbling head-cases.  Rio Ferdinand’s absence has been telling—the young Johnny Evans shows plenty of promise but is not yet ready to play this much—but the most significant problem has been the long-term reliance on John O’Shea.  Although he is competent going forward and strong in the air, the Irishman is tentative and flat-footed at the back, especially in one-on-one situations.  In this recent United implosion, during which they have been beaten 4-1 by Liverpool, 2-0 by Fulham, and 2-2 by Porto, a common theme has been opponents constant targeting of O’Shea.  This should no longer be surprising.  In the modern game, clubs with championship ambitions can no longer get away with starting squad-quality players at outside-back.  Those looking for a difference between last season’s nearly-impenetrable United defense and this year’s initially strong but quickly disintegrating rear-line should look no further than the absence of Wes Brown.  Brown, although extremely limited in a technical sense, would never in a million years have allowed the goals Neville and O’Shea have tamely surrendered to Villa and Porto in the space of 36 hours.

The odds makers, creatures of jingoism and habit, will still surely still favor United to pull out a win at the Estadio Dragao.  Only a brave, even foolish, Mancunian partisan would take such a punt at this point.  United are shipping more goals than the factory that makes them, and barring a sudden realization on Ferguson’s part that he must rush Brown, Ferdinand, and young Rafael Da Silva back into the fold, things do note bode well for the Red Devils.  The quintuple, once so brashly predicted, looks now more like a lethal mirage.

Liverpool will be licking their lips.

proud to be an american!

So, hpe youre following along. My friend and i began walking around th whole park. It’s an open concourse similar to what you find at many new stadiums accorss the coutry. nfortunately I felt a little too strong of a resembelance to Cellurar field, which sucks. But there’s a lot f nice perks to the plae too. All of the seating epecetp for the bleachers and te upperdeck are cushoined with cup holders. That’s sweet. And the bleachers are way beter than they were before becauce theyre closer to the field and at a lower eye level.

That’s one thing I miss. The old ankee stadium had a bowl kind of feel to it. You felt on top of the field like you were looking down at the players. Noew you feel like you’re looking them in te eye. Which I guess is better, but there’s something more intimidating abour having a bunch of fans staring and yelling down at you as opposed to looking you in the eye, That makes it hard to curse and yell.

The bombers won. and they bombed away, thanks in large part to mark teixiera who had two dingers, as wel as jeter and shellye motherufkinc duncan. so that was cool seeing the captains first hr in new yankee stadium as well as tex mashing.

Then the audio system broke down around the 7th innning stretch so ymca was  not done and everthing was quite and boring. The starting lineup were subbed for a bunch of minor leagegures. My buddy and I walked around the aprk some more sitting in different areas to get a feel for the place (including the mohegan sun bar which is cool for like 4 mintus and then the techno music gets to you and you’re ready to go).

no gambling here, but nice views

aslo you cant see the ball well through the tinted glass and they restrautent blocks the view for te bleacher seats in the back. the tradeoff is that there’s a great bar and eati area smack in the middle of the outfield. prob some of the best views in the whole park.

in all, the digs are nice, but it’s ging to take some getting used to. I still feeel like i’m at another stadium and it just doesnt feel like home. Thats going to take a while. and eve though there’s a lot of conisistency between the old and the new, there are changes that may, with some hindsight, prove to be unfortunate decisions.

one things for sure. i’ll never again experience walking into a dank, low hanging ceilinged conrete mass only to enter an open expanse of grass and air. that was the old stadium. the new one opens up gradueally to you. from the great hall to the open concourse to your seat, you’re always in on the action. which is good, but it leaves a little awe by the wayside.

hope you were able to understand some of this. next time I’ll be writing about this year being the frist time I’,m playing  fantasy baseball. so done’t miss it!!!

Chicago White Sox

2008 year-end market position: 89-74 1st place, AL Central
Defeated Minnesota Twins in 1-game playoff
Lost to Tampa Bay Rays 3-1 in AL Divisional Series

New Hires: 3B Dayan Viciedo (free agent from Cuba), RHP Kelvin Jimenez (claimed on waivers from Blue Jays), INF Wilson Betemit (trade with Yankees), RHP Bartolo Colon (free agent from Red Sox)

Layoffs: RHP Javier Vazquez (traded to Braves), LHP Boone Logan (traded to Braves), OF Nick Swisher (traded to Yankees), LHP Horacio Ramirez (free agent, signed with Royals), C Toby Hall (free agent, signed minor league deal with Astros), INF Juan Uribe (free agent, signed minor league deal with Giants), OF Ken Griffey Jr. (free agent, signed with Mariners), 3B Joe Crede (free agent, signed with Twins)

Best Practices: The White Sox had an interesting year last year. On one hand, they saw a lot of things go wrong–Jim Thome and Paul Konerko were black holes in the lineup most of the first half, newly acquired Nick Swisher had the lowest average (.219) of anyone qualifying for the batting title, Javier Vazquez regressed on the mound, Joe Crede continued to see his career fizzle because of injury, and Jose Contreras ruptured his achilles. On the other hand, John Danks and Gavin Floyd blossomed into solid starters, Alexei Ramirez shook off a disastrous April and showcased his considerable talent, newly acquired Carlos Quentin likely would’ve been the MVP had he not broken his wrist punching his bat, and the Sox had six layers hit at least 20 home runs as they stunningly won the division. They have a lot of questions coming into this year as well: is Quentin healthy and was last year a fluke? Can Alexei handle shortstop? Are Floyd and Danks for real? Are Thome and Konerko done? Living in Chicago, I’ve paid some attention to the Sox, and for some reason I’m just not very optimistic about this season. Don’t get me wrong, I love Alexei, but I’m worried the league will catch up to them. (Also, Alexei needs to seriously work on his plate discipline after walking just 18 times in over 500 plate appearances.) I do think Quentin is for real, though. The bullpen is also quite good. Bobby Jenks is an elite closer and the Scott Linebrink/Octavio Dotel duo, if they stay healthy, are as good as anyone. I also think lefty Matt Thornton is a decent power arm.

Pain Points: I think that the White Sox are relying on too much from Floyd. They need him to be a No. 2 starter, and I don’t think he can be that. He’s far too hittable (190 hits in 206 innings) and though he had a decent K rate last year (6.3 K per 9) the batting average of on balls hit in play against him was .241, which indicates he probably was getting pretty lucky. I think he’s definitely a legitimate major league pitcher, but by the end of last season they were looking to him as a stopper, and I just don’t think he’s capable of doing that. I expect a serious regression from him this year, but I hope I’m wrong. I also think it’s risky to count on Contreras returning to form, and I’m not sold that Bartolo Colon has anything left, but as a 1-year deal, he was worth the risk. The White Sox won the World Series in 2005 with solid pitching and a gritty offense that manufactured runs. Last year they relied to heavily on the home run and often went station to station on the basepaths with cloggers like Thome and Konerko running around out there. Dewayne Wise has some speed, but he’s also one of the worst starting outfielders in the majors. He certainly can’t bat leadoff with a career .254 on-base percentage. Come on. Alexei moves on to short while decent prospect Chris Getz takes over at second. I watched some of yesterday’s Sox preseason game and they were talking about Getz. After the play-by-play guy compared him to Jeff Kent, the Hawk stepped in to offer some reason “I think he’s more like Ryne Sandberg.” That’s a lot to ask of a guy who never hit more than three home runs in a season until last year when he muscled up for 11. Disappointing Josh Fields once again gets a shot at third. Yawn.

Key Thought Leader: MGR Ozzie Guillen. He worked magic last year and he’s going to have to do it again. The AL Central is going to be real tough this year, so the Sox are going to have to play better than they did a year ago to eke it out. Unfortunately, I think they played about as well as they possibly could a year ago. Everyone’s a year older and I just can’t get excited about that rotation. Sorry, Ozzie.

Enterprise Outlook: Let the outrage begin. 5th place, AL Central

Tomorrow’s Target: New York Mets

Minnesota Twins

2008 year-end market position: 88-75 2nd place, AL Central
Lost 1-game division playoff to Chicago White Sox

New Hires: RHP Luis Ayala (free agent from Mets), RHP Jason Jones (Rule 5 pick from Yankees), 3B Joe Crede (free agent from White Sox)

Layoffs: SS Adam Everett (free agent, signed with Tigers), LHP Eddie Guardado (free agent, signed with Rangers), LHP Dennys Reyes (free agent, signed with Cardinals), DH Randy Ruiz (released, signed with Blue Jays)

Best Practices: I love this team. So much young talent all maturing at the same time. Even though C Joe Mauer is banged up to start the season, the Twins should be alright thanks to 1B Justin Morneau solidifying a lineup that includes Denard Span, Carlos Gomez, Alexi Casilla, and Delmon Young–all under 25 years old. With consistent time, DH Jason Kubel could blossom into a 30 home run guy, and if he’s healthy, OF Michael Cuddyer could force the enigmatic Young to the bench most nights. The pitching staff is also very young, with all five starters 27 years old or younger. LHP Francisco Liriano may finally be back to his 2006 form after two seasons lost to injury. In case you forgot, he was 12-3 with a 2.16 ERA and 144 strikeouts in 121.0 innings that year. Sick. Scott Baker, Nick Blackburn, and Kevin Slowey all return after posting ERAs of 4.05 or under a year ago. And solid lefty Glen Perkins rounds out one of the most balanced 1-through-5 rotations I think I’ve ever seen.

Pain Points: They might struggle to score runs sometimes, especially with Mauer out early in the season. Other than Morneau, they don’t really have another true run producer, so they have to rely on speed to manufacture runs. Down the stretch, Gomez was one of the most exciting players in the league. No one can leg out a triple or score from first like he can. The problem was that he only got on base at a .294 clip, which is completely unacceptable. Only 25 walks in 602 plate appearances is shockingly terrible, so he’s going to have to work on it if he wants to truly make his speed an asset. If Young has to be a part-time player, will he stand for that? He has drastically outplayed Span this spring, but Span is still tentatively the starter because he is far superior in the field. We’ll see what happens there. Other than that, this team is pretty solid all the way around. Exciting lineup, solid starters, and a quality bullpen led by Joe Nathan.

Key Thought Leader: Morneau. The pride of Canadian baseball, Morneau played in all 163 of the Twins’ games a year ago as they came up on the short end of an amazing 1-0 one-game playoff with the White Sox. He’ll probably have to improve on his 23 homers from a year ago, but his 129 RBI show that while he wasn’t launching bombs, he still was productive.

Enterprise Outlook: Not much more I can say. This team is good and should be a lot of fun to watch. 1st place, AL Central

Tomorrow’s Target: Chicago White Sox

Toronto Blue Jays

2008 year-end market position: 86-76 4th place, AL East

New Hires: LHP Brian Burres (waiver claim from Orioles), OF Jason Lane (free agent from Red Sox), INF/OF Brandon Fahey (free agent from Orioles), LHP Mike Maroth (free agent), C Raul Chavez (free agent from Pirates), C Michael Barrett (free agent from Padres), 1B/DH Randy Ruiz (free agent from Twins), RHP Matt Clement (free agent), SS Angel Sanchez (waiver claim from Royals), RHP Bryan Bullington (waiver claim from Indians), RHP Adam Loewen (free agent from Orioles), INF Kevin Millar (minor league free agent from Orioles)

Layoffs: LHP John Parrish, (free agent, signed with Orioles), OF Brad Wilkerson (free agent, signed with Red Sox), C Gregg Zaun (free agent, signed with Orioles), LHP Mike Gosling (free agent, signed with Twins), INF Hector Luna (free agent, signed with Dodgers), SS Pedro Lopez (free agent, signed with Pirates), LHP Gustavo Chacin (free agent, signed with Nationals), RHP A.J. Burnett (free agent, signed with Yankees), OF Mike Vento (free agent, signed with Nationals), OF Kevin Mench (free agent, signed with Japanese team)

Best Practices: The poor Blue Jays had a terrific season last year, but it was only good enough for fourth place in the gauntlet that is the AL East. Their strength a year ago was in their starting pitching. RHP Roy Halladay had an incredible season, picking up 20 wins and tossing an ML best 246 innings. Dude also threw nine complete games and posted an ERA of 2.78. RHP Jesse Litsch won 13 games and posted a 3.58 ERA. Unfortunately, those two are the only guys back to start this season north of the border. RHP Shaun Marcum was also excellent, and he had a 3.38 ERA over 151 innings before having to get some Tommy John sauce slathered up in his elbow in September. He’ll miss all of 2009. RHP Dustin McGowan also is very talented, but he had shoulder surgery and will be out until June. After shoulder surgery, it’s iffy that he’ll be able to come back at all and be as effective as he once was. But the biggest blow to the Blue Jays came when RHP A.J. Burnett opted out of his contract and signed a mammoth deal with the Yankees. So Halladay and Litsch have their work cut out for them as they’ll lead a staff that will include the likes of David Purcey, Casey Janssen, and Matt Clement (Matt Clement?!). Good thing Halladay’s one of the best in the biz, but will he hold up? The good news for the Jays is that they have a pretty solid bullpen. They have a solid array of righties and lefties leading up to shutdown closer B.J. Ryan, who showed he was fully recovered from elbow surgery in 2007 with 32 saves a year ago.

Pain Points: I don’t understand how they were so good a year ago with a lineup this uninspiring. Despite playing just 108 games, CF Vernon Wells led the team with 20 homers because RF Alex Rios, who’s supposed to be a stud, hit just 15 bombs a year ago. That’s not going to cut it, the Jays need Rios to anchor the heart of the order and be a 30 homer/100 RBI guy. They’re also going to need 3B Scott Rolen to produce more than the 11 homers and 50 RBI he had a year ago. That doesn’t seem likely because Rolen is about five years and one league removed from being an impact bat. So that leaves a lot of pressure on the shoulders of young guns Adam Lind and Travis Snider. Lind was one of the top prospects in baseball a couple years back, but has been solid if unspectacular so far in the majors. Just 21, Snider is one of the top 3 hitting prospects in baseball, and should step right in and be the Jays’ everyday left fielder. As a 20-year-old September call up a year ago, Snider hit .301 and hit a couple homers in 73 at bats. He’ll also be fun to watch because he’s a little butterball at 5’11″, 245 pounds. He should be able to pick up the slack for fellow shortstack Matt Stairs, who was traded late in the year ago and won a World Series title with the Phillies.

Key Thought Leader: MGR Cito Gaston. After firing John Gibbons about halfway through the season a year ago, the Blue Jays went with a blast from the past and hired Gaston, who was the manager in their early-’90s glory days. The Jays responded well, and were 14 games above .500 with Gaston at the helm. Gaston provides an interesting conundrum for Orioles fans because he was universally reviled back in 1993 for failing to put Mike Mussina in the All-Star Game at Camden Yards. However, Mussina is also a villain in Orioles land after spurning the O’s to sign with the Yankees following the 2000 season. What in the world are we to do about this?

Enterprise Outlook: Well, they can’t finish fifth because the Orioles are also in their division, but they sure can finish fourth again. With all the defections and injuries in the starting rotation, they won’t be able to compete with the three teams ahead of them, all of which might win 90 games or more. Sadly, it may be time to consider shopping Halladay at the deadline. 4th place, AL East

Tomorrow’s Target: Minnesota Twins

Houston Astros

2008 year-end market position: 86-75 3rd place, NL Central

New Hires: LHP Mike Hampton (free agent from Braves), RHP Jeff Fulchino (waiver claim from Royals), C Lou Palmisano (Rule 5 selection from Brewers, via Orioles), LHP Gilbert De La Vara (Rule 5 selection from Royals), OF Jason Michaels (free agent from Pirates), INF Aaron Boone (free agent from Nationals), C Toby Hall (minor league free agent from White Sox), RHP Jose Capellan (minor league free agent from Royals).

Layoffs: INF Mark Loretta (free agent, signed with Dodgers), C Brad Ausmus (free agent, signed with Dodgers), LHP Randy Wolf (free agent, signed with Dodgers), INF/OF Ty Wigginton (non-tendered, signed with Orioles)

Best Practices: If you would’ve asked me five minutes ago how I thought the Astros did in 2008, I would have told you they were at least 10 games below .500. So you can imagine my surprise when I looked and saw that they actually finished 11 games above .500! The reason that I am so shocked is because the Astros are not a team I like to think about. I don’t like to think about the Astros because I like to think that Houston doesn’t exist. But it does exist, and the Astros are sort of good because 1B Lance Berkman is an elite-level superstar. Here are some quick facts about our boy Lance. Did you know that over his 10-year career, dude has a line of .302/.413/.560? Did you know that he averages 34 homers and 114 RBI per 162 games? Did you know that he would be a hall of fame candidate if he played in a city that actually exists? Here’s another reason why the Astros are good: Carlos Lee is almost as good. Over his 10-year career, he has a line of .290/.344/.505–note, i know these aren’t in the same league as Berkman, but they’re good–and averages 31 homers and 110 RBI. So there you have it, that’s why the Astros were good last year, because Berkman and Lee combined for 57 homers and 206 RBI (hmm…those numbers look like Matt Wieters’ rookie season. D’oh! I always spoil the ending!). I also think RF Hunter Pence is good. Dude is so awkward-looking and he came back to earth a bit last year, but I’m hoping that he’s closer to his gangbusters rookie year. While he might not hit .322, i still think he can be a 30 homer-100 RBI guy. That would make three for the Astros.

Pain Points: The Astros won last year in spite of their upper-level management. Remember last year when RHP Shawn Chacon got into a fight with GM Ed Wade? Well, putting him in a headlock might have been a bit extreme, but dude definitely isn’t good at what he does. They traded for LHP Randy Wolf in a clear over-estimation of how close they were to being competitive (though, to be fair, they were pretty competitive) and the trade for SS Miguel Tejada has been pretty disappointing, especially considering that since the trade he’s turned out to be three years older than he said he was, been in the Mitchell Report, and pleaded guilty to perjury in front of a grand jury. I love Miggy, so I hope he gets it all worked out, but jeez. Oh, another thing that’s terrible about the Astros is there farm system. I’ll let ESPN’s Keith Law take it from here:

30. Houston Astros: Houston’s farm system looks like General Sherman marched through it, then turned around and marched through it again just to be sure the job was done. The Astros’ 2007 draft class might turn out to be one of the worst in history: They had no picks in the first round (for Carlos Lee) or second round (for the now-retired Woody Williams), and they failed to sign either their third- or fourth-round pick (one of whom, Georgia Tech shortstop Derek Dietrich, looks like a sure top-50 pick for 2010). Two of the top six players they did sign were released in October, and their top signed pick, Colin Dellome, just posted a .305 OBP in high-A at age 22.

Their 2008 draft was better — not that it could have been worse — with two promising high school arms in Ross Seaton and Jordan Lyles and one solid catching prospect in Jason Castro. The organization’s decision to turn its back on Venezuela might reflect the nation’s political instability, but it also leaves the Astros among the least-advanced teams in international scouting. There are lean times ahead in Houston, and even a massive shift toward rebuilding won’t stop the oncoming drought.

Yikes. As for this year’s team, let’s just say they’re counting on LHP Mike Hampton to be their fourth starter.

Key Thought Leader: RHP Roy Oswalt. The skinny righthander has been remarkably consistent over his career, averaging 223 innings and 183 strikeouts over his career. But since he’s only 170 pounds, you have to worry about whether the workload will take a toll. He has looked fantastic in the World Baseball Classic, but those are just extra March innings added to his total for this season. He’s an amazing talent, though.

Enterprise Outlook: I don’t know what to say. Everything in me wants to say that they won’t be good this year. It doesn’t help that I’ve already convinced myself that they weren’t good last year and I refuse to believe otherwise, but still. Mike Hampton?! 5th place, NL Central

Tomorrow’s Target: Toronto Blue Jays

St. Louis Cardinals

2008 year-end market position: 86-76 4th place, NL Central

New Hires: LHP Charlie Manning (waiver claim from Nationals), LHP Trever Miller (free agent from Rays), LHP Royce Ring (free agent from Braves), SS Khalil Greene (trade with Padres), LHP Dennys Reyes (free agent from Twins)

Layoffs: RHP Jason Isringhausen (free agent, signed minor league deal with Rays), RHP Braden Looper (free agent, signed with Brewers), LHP Mark Mulder (free agent, unsigned), LHP Ron Villone (free agent, unsigned), LHP Randy Flores (non-tendered, signed minor league deal with Rockies), RHP Matt Clement (free agent, signed with Blue Jays), LHP Tyler Johnson (non-tendered, signed minor league deal with Mariners), RHP Mark Worrell (traded to Padres), INF Aaron Miles (non-tendered, signed with Cubs), OF Juan Encarnacion (free agent, unsigned), SS Cesar Izturis (free agent, signed with Orioles), OF Josh Phelps (free agent, signed minor league deal with Giants), RHP Russ Springer (free agent, signed with A’s), RHP Kelvin Jimenez (claimed by Blue Jays, then claimed by White Sox), INF Felipe Lopez (free agent, signed with Diamondbacks), 2B Adam Kennedy (released, signed minor league deal with Rays)

Best Practices: The Cardinals have a lot of pop, that’s for sure. On one hand, they have my best friend, Albert Pujols, and on the other they have some dude that shockingly had an amazing season last year in Ryan Ludwick. After five mediocre seasons over the past six years–he wasn’t in the majors in 2006, I guess–had relegated him to a part time player, Ludwick broke out for 37 home runs, 113 RBI, and an OPS over .950. How did this happen? Is it a fluke? In short, yes. Through Sunday, the Mighty Ludwick was hitting 5-for-31 this spring with only two extra-base hits. I know what you’re saying, 31 at bats is quite a small sample size, wouldn’t his 538 at bats from last season be a better indicator? Shut up! It’s just not possible. It’s just not. Ryan Ludwick can’t be a good bet. Bust bust bust! Sell sell sell! My best friend, Pujols, should continue to be awesome, however. Dude did win his second MVP last year, hitting .357/.462/.653 with a Ludwick-ian 37 homers and 116 RBI. He also walked 104 times and struck out just 54 times in 524 at bats. Enough said. That’s why he’s the latest savior for the game, at least until he’s busted for steroids. Knock on wood, Albert! Knock on wood! You’re my best friend!

Pain Points: Well, there’s a lot wrong with the Cardinals, so I don’t really know where to begin. You can take my word on it that they don’t have a second baseman and they kind of have a logjam in the outfield (who will play center? Skip Schumaker or Colby Rasmus?!? Schumaker is a sure bet to give you ho-hum production! Rasmus is the top prospect in the game named after a type of cheese, but he was extremely disappointing (.251 BA, wtf, Colby?) in AAA last year! Stay tuned!). The real problem is in the rotation and the bullpen. Adam Wainwright is pretty good, but he only made 20 starts a year ago. Kyle Lohse won 15 games and threw 200 innings, causing me to rub my eyes and stare agape at his stat sheet. I think the league will catch up to him this year. That leaves Joel Pineiro and Todd Wellemeyer, who are terrible, and Chris Carpenter, who at this point is held together by wood glue and some assorted dowels. The bullpen is even worse. After mercifully sending Jason Isringhausen out to pasture, the Cardinals now turn the closer role over to some dude, Chris Perez. He picked up 7 saves and had 42 strikeouts in 42 innings as a rookie, so that makes him the best candidate. Steroid scapegoat Ryan Franklin leads the rest of a rather unspectacular bullpen. Denny Reyes is a portly fellow, though. It’s important to have a jolly chubby guy in the bullpen so you can stick bubblegum on his hat while he snoozes. Ahhh, the boys of summer!

Key Thought Leader: My best friend, of course. Pujols has been remarkably consistent his entire career and has been in the Top 3 of NL MVP voting in 6 of the last 7 years and has never finished outside the Top 10 in his entire 8-year career. There will obviously be a debate as to whether or not he’s clean, but I don’t really care. Pujols is the best player in baseball and the fact that he jumped to the majors from Single-A as a fully formed Hall-of-Famer is stuff legends are made of. He’s also the only good thing going for the Cardinals. I think it’ll be a frustrating season for our hero as he toils in obscurity. Yes, I’d walk him to face Ludwick, in case you were wondering.

Enterprise Outlook: Well, they can’t catch the Cubs, and that’s all that matters in St. Louis. 3rd place, NL Central

Tomorrow’s Target: Houston Astros

Florida Marlins

2008 year-end market position: 84-77 3rd place, NL East

New Hires: RHP Scott Proctor (free agent from Dodgers), RHP Leo Nunez (trade with Royals), LHP Dan Meyer (claimed off waivers from A’s), RHP Jose Ceda (trade with Cubs), INF Emilio Bonifacio (trade from Nationals), LHP Zack Kroenke (Rule 5 selection from Yankees)

Layoffs: 1B Mike Jacobs (traded to Royals), LHP Scott Olsen (traded to Nationals), LF Josh Willingham (traded to Nationals), RHP Kevin Gregg (traded to Cubs), RHP Joe Nelson (non-tendered, signed with Rays), OF Luis Gonzalez (free agent, unsigned), LHP Arthur Rhodes (free agent, signed with Reds), C Matt Treanor (released, signed with Tigers), LHP Mark Hendrickson (free agent, signed with Orioles), RHP Doug Waechter (free agent, signed with Royals)

Best Practices: The Marlins were surprisingly good last year. How many of you knew they finished with a better record than the Dodgers? Anyone? They always have a team chock full of guys that the asshole in your fantasy league drafts a round or two early and brags about how smart he is. That’s worked well for him if he picked SS Hanley Ramirez, who is arguably the best fantasy player in the game, but sometimes, like in the case of LF Jeremy Hermida, the production hasn’t quite lived up to the hype yet. This year’s hot fantasy pick will likely be CF Cameron Maybin, who came over a year ago from Detroit in the Miguel Cabrera-Dontrelle Willis trade. Maybin is an exciting talent, for sure, but he wasn’t as spectacular in his first year in the Marlins’ system. He posted a decent line for a centerfielder at .277/.375/.456, but he was still in Double-A and struck out a preposterous 124 times in 390 at bats. He’s supposedly going to be the Marlins’ leadoff hitter so they can drop Ramirez down to a place in the order where he can drive in runs, but how can you justify having a guy that strikes out one out of every three at bats? That’s Corey Patterson style, folks! But the strength of the Marlins lies in their talented lineup. Ramirez, Maybin, Hermida, 2B Dan Uggla, and even rejuvenated 3B Jorge Cantu should more than make up for the offseason trades of Josh Willingham and the not good Mike Jacobs.

Pain Points: I’m not sold on the starting rotation. Supposedly all five guys–RHP Ricky Nolasco, RHP Josh Johnson, RHP Chris Volstad, RHP Anibal Sanchez, and LHP Andrew Miller–are all healthy, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I like Volstad a lot and think he’ll be a pretty solid bet after a promising rookie campaign, but Johnson hasn’t been healthy since 2006. He did have 14 solid starts a year ago, so here’s hoping he bounces back from getting all that Tommy John sauce slathered up in his elbow. Nolasco actually was very good last year, netting 15 wins and 212 innings pitched, but unlike the Brandon Webbs of the world, I’m worried that the increased workload might cause Nolasco to break down this year. Miller was a disaster last year and has a long way to go in proving why he was so highly touted coming out of UNC a few years back. Sanchez has missed most of the last two years with injuries and ineffectiveness and is in danger of joining Bud Smith and Jose Jimenez as one of the worst players I can remember that has thrown a no-hitter. The bullpen is also no good. Matt Lindstrom is supposed to be the closer, but he had to leave the WBC with an apparent arm injury after giving up a homer to a guy from the Netherlands team and then throwing behind the next guy on purpose. Newcomers Scott Proctor and Leo Nunez aren’t terrible, I guess, but with a starting staff so injury prone, the bullpen is going to need to carry this team.

Key Thought Leader: MGR Fredi Gonzalez. Don’t know much about this guy, but he must be pretty good if he got this team to be that competitive a year ago. I’m also on board with how he spells his name. With so much rosterbation year after year, Gonzalez is really going to have to work to keep this team focused. I think he can do it, but as I said earlier, I don’t really know anything about him.

Enterprise Outlook: I think last year might have been as good as it gets for the Marlins. That being said, with Cole Hamels having elbow issues and the Mets always trying to screw things up, there might be another window for the Marlins this year. I just don’t think the rotation holds up well enough. That, and Maybin’s going to have some serious growing pains in his rookie year. 3rd place, NL East

Tomorrow’s Target: St. Louis Cardinals

I think this passage from the AP story tells it best:

The Cavaliers routinely trailed by double figures at halftime, even at John Paul Jones Arena, where they went 9-8, and fan interest waned as the team’s difficulties continued.

The $130 million arena, opened just three years ago, seats more than 14,000 for basketball, but drew an average of just over 10,000 this season. Apathy was more apparent during Leitao’s weekly hourlong radio show, which more than once attracted no callers.

There you have it. I don’t really have anything to add about Leitao, but here are five coaches I think the Hoos should target.

1. Anthony Grant (VCU) — Dude is a great recruiter, as can be seen by the fact that Billy Donovan has done nothing since he left Florida. Developed Eric Maynor into a lottery pick point guard. In order to succeed at UVA, you’re going to need to develop talent until you can start getting the blue chippers away from Duke and UNC and Wake Forest and, shit, Virginia Tech. Grant can do that.

2. Mike Anderson (Missouri) — I don’t even want to think about it, but Anderson’s style would be great at a mid-level ACC school. Combine the frenetic press that he’s known for with ACC caliber athletes, and it should be pretty fun to watch. Mizzou better pay the man, or else he’ll be one hot commodity this summer. I don’t think UVA would beat out SEC schools like Alabama or Georgia if Anderson decides to jump ship.

3. Craig Robinson (Oregon State) — Doubt he’d leave after just one year, but Robinson sure could afford to be closer to his sis, Michelle, who lives in a White House pretty close to Charlottesville. A little executive assistance could help Robinson recruit in state. Maybe.

4. Sean Miller (Xavier) — The Atlantic 10 is a dying conference, and Miller’s Musketeers have been the class of the league for the last several years. The Xavier-to-Virginia pipeline was opened by the great Pete Gillen, so let’s get Miller in here and see what he can do.

5. Brad Stevens (Butler) — Dude is just 31 and has only had two years at Butler, but they’ve been impressive years. He might be a year or two away, but maybe UVA can luck out and get him early and hope for the best. Might be too risky for a team that desperately needs a home run hire this time around.

Honorable Mention: Quin Snyder (Austin Toros) — What a feel good story. Quin deserves another shot, especially in the ACC. Who’s with me?!

Los Angeles Dodgers

2008 year-end market position: 84-78 1st place, NL West
Def. Chicago Cubs 3-0 in Divisional Playoff
Lost to Philadelphia Phillies 4-1 in National League Championship Series

New Hires: RHP Guillermo Mota (free agent from Brewers), RHP Claudio Vargas (free agent from Mets), C Brad Ausmus (free agent from Astros), INF Mark Loretta (free agent from Astros), LHP Shawn Estes (minor league free agent from Padres), INF Juan Castro (minor league free agent from Orioles), LHP Randy Wolf (free agent from Astros), 2B Orlando Hudson (free agent from Diamondbacks), INF Doug Mientkiewicz (minor league free agent from Pirates)

Layoffs: RHP Brad Penny (free agent, signed with Red Sox), RHP Derek Lowe (free agent, signed with Braves), 2B Jeff Kent (retired), RHP Greg Maddux (retired), INF Angel Berroa (non-tendered, signed minor league deal with Yankees), RHP Jason Johnson (non-tendered, signed minor league deal with Yankees), INF Nomar Garciaparra (free agent, unsigned), CF Andruw Jones (released, signed minor league deal with Rangers), INF Pablo Ozuna (free agent, signed minor league deal with Phillies), RHP Chan Ho Park (free agent, signed with Phillies), RHP Scott Proctor (non-tendered, signed with Marlins), RHP Takashi Saito (non-tendered, signed with Red Sox), LHP Joe Beimel (free agent, unsigned), INF Mark Sweeney (free agent, retired)

Best Practices: The Dodgers barely cracked the top half of teams in all of MLB, but that was good enough to win the NL West a year ago. Once they got there, they convincingly swept the Cubs before running into the eventual World Series Champion Phillies. The difference was Manny. Despite playing only 53 games for the Dodgers, Manny finished fourth in the NL MVP voting thanks to a ridiculous line of .396/.489/.743 with 17 homers and 53 RBI. He continued to hit over .500 with 4 bombs and 10 RBI in the Dodgers’ 8 playoff games. Ridiculous. After a dance that took up most of the offseason, Manny eventually signed a 2 year, $45 million deal to return to the Dodgers, and they’re going to need him to be just as good. The Dodgers coughed up enough money to keep SS Rafael Furcal and add 2B Orlando Hudson, and combining those above-average players with Manny and excellent catcher Russell Martin gives them a pretty sick lineup. CF Matt Kemp, 1B James Loney, and RF Andre Ethier are all pretty good young players with their share of flaws, but if they’re the bottom of your lineup, then you’re doing alright. Corpulent closer Jonathan Broxton can throw 150 mph, just like Bobby Jenks, and the two of them can get together and show off their cannons before pounding down a dozen cheeseburgers and splitting a keg of Miller Lite. I’d pay to watch that. RHP Chad Billingsley topped 200 innings and 200 strikeouts for the first time in his career a year ago, but now the young righty will have to be their ace after some serious holes opened up in the rotation.

Pain Points: Rotational depth will be a problem for the Dodgers. With Lowe and Penny off somewhere else, that leaves Billingsley and RHP Hiroki Kuroda to lead the starting staff. LHP Clayton Kershaw, who was solid if unspectacular in 21 starts as a rookie, now steps in as the teams second or third starter. I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. Lowe was a solid veteran in the rotation, and I don’t think Randy Wolf is of the same caliber. Jason Schmidt is supposedly under contract, but I can’t even remember what he looks like. Is he that guy who looks like an adult Cabbage Patch Kid? He is?! Well, I was wrong, I do remember what he looks like. Hmm…Maybe he’ll come back and join the rotation. At this point, anyone could. Claudio Vargas, anyone? The bullpen is pretty decent, I guess. RHP Corey Wade was pretty sick against the Cubs a year ago. They also have a guy named Eric Stults, who reminds me of ’80s ginger heartthrob Eric Stoltz (pictured).

Key Thought Leader: Definitely Manny. I like Manny, but I don’t think most would refer to him as a thought leader. Well, most people are wrong. He did some great things last year, aside from his awesome run with the Dodgers, he also destabilized the Red Sox clubhouse. Jonathan Papelbon called him a “cancer.” In that case, maybe he was colon cancer, y’know, the kind that hangs around a bunch of assholes, like Papelbon. We’ll see how many rings Papelbon wins without Manny on the roster. I’ll start the count: 0.

Enterprise Outlook: Joe Torre and company are fortunate they play in a weak division, but with the likes of Peavy-Young, Lincecum-Cain-Zito-Johnson, and Webb-Haren, I don’t think that Billingsley-Kuroda-Cabbage Patch Kid can keep up. Manny should be fun to watch, but will he be as productive when he’s not playing for a new contract? 2nd place, NL West

Tomorrow’s Target: Florida Marlins